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I'M TRYING TO GET MY EVAL SQUARED AWAY.  I WAS TOLD THERE IS WAY TOO MUCH FLUFF. ANY SUGGESTIONS?  BEING A RESERVIST WITH A TEN YEAR BREAK IN SERVICE, I'M A BIT RUSTY.

 

 

 

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It's tough to provide feedback or guidance without an example.  Please feel free to message me if you have specifics.  V/r MCPO

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Master Chief,

Thank you for responding.  This was my latest eval.  My mentor told me "It sucks!"

 

V/R

MN1

 

***MY #1 OF 6 FIRST CLASS PETTY OFFICERS!*** EXCEPTIONAL SUPERVISOR. Led 42 sailors at RSU that resulted in 93% being mobilization ready. This high level of readiness allows cross assigned units to rapidly deploy and meet the needs of national security. Ensured 30 members of RSU met annual requirements by scheduling AT's that resulted in achieving reservist requirements. RENOWNED MENTOR. As Divisional Career Counselor, provided sound professional and personal support for 42 sailors which resulted in 10 members obtaining orders, 2 re-enlistments, 1 advancement, BJSOY and JSOY Board nomination that resulted in 1 RSU member awarded BJSOY. Critical member on forming the first NOSC Fort Dix FCPO reserve mess, elected as president to represent reservists. COMMUNITY INVOLVEMENT. As Boy Scout District troop leader coordinated and directed 100 events. Leading to the advancement of 5 scouts achieving the highest rank attainable. Greatly improving relations between local communities and the Navy. ***MN1 EXCELS IN ALL ENDEAVOURS. HIGHEST RECOMMENDATION FOR ADVANCEMENT*** Currently on ADT orders for four months of Mineman "A" school. (block 43)

Mentors Boy Scouts as the Scoutmaster. Successfully advanced 5 scouts to the rank of Eagle Scout. Completed PMKEE for E7 and PPME 1-7  (block 44)

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From the top: 

- you need to have a strong promotion recommendation in the opener.  If you truly are the #1, the CO is going to say how/why.  This is where you might see something like "Ranks # of ## PO1s.  Crucial to my XXX mission.  Select now for MNC!" or "Already performing as a CPO, make pants match the shirt!" 

- your leadership bullet reads like a collateral.  What's the impact of your leadership? What are people accomplishing under your leadership? Retention? Promotion? Training? Also, too many words:  "Led 42 Sailors that resulted in 93% mobilization readiness; ensured rapid deployment ISO national security".  Is this percentage the highest in the command? Is it high compared to other commands? It helps to provide context when using percentages.

- If you are the LPO, are you not the person nominating someone for BJSOY or JSOY? Did anyone win at the Quarter level? Honestly, the advancement, BJSOQ/Y and JSOQ/Y could/should be under leadership.  You can flesh out the Div CC bullet.  Also, being a mentor doesn't match the FCPOA blurb here.  It should command or peer leadership/involvement.

- Save the community service for block 44.  Wasting a lot of space here.  In block 44, you can simply put a blurb about your hours.

- Need a stronger closing statement.  "Put this rising superstar in khakis! HIGHEST RECOMMENDATION FOR IMMEDIATE SELECTION! PRESS 100 NOW!"  (If you are truly #1, the eval should read like it.  If you aren't, don't use strong language.  It sends mixed signals to the board and it's easy to spot.  I don't know your individual trait average with this reporting senior so I cannot provide more direct feedback here.  This is solely based on what you posted.)

- Are you an instructor at "A" school? If so, do you have class numbers?  

- You have same info about volunteer service here in Block 44 as 41.  VOLUNTEER:  Boy Scouts Scoutmaster (## hours)

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